THANKS a bunch, Boris. You warn us about the "tsunami of Omicron", during Sunday night's emergency broadcast, but don't flag up the monstrous drag act that follows on Walk The Line. Queenz. A five-piece vocal disharmony group who promised viewers they'd "dance like Britney and sing like Whitney".
ErotemeFive-piece drag act Queenz on Walk The Line '/ ' 
ErotemeNo one's prepared to tell the truth on Walk The Line \- pictured Gary Barlow '/ ' And sure enough, they danced like Whitney and sang like Britney, but didn't pause before announcing: "We're thinking of quitting our day jobs." A terrible idea. Unfortunately, no one's prepared to tell the truth on Walk The Line, which is one of those follow-your-dreams (and sponge-off-your-parents) singing shows where they clearly thought of the title first and then had to try and clamp on a format. A surprisingly convoluted affair it is too, that's been running all week on ITV. The bare bones of Walk The Line, though, is that five contestants, including one rollover winner, from the night before, are competing to win £500,000. A recklessly large sum that requires viewers to buy into their hard luck stories and the idea they're all have-a-go amateurs. Most read in News UNDER FIRE What to know about Judge Michelle Odinet 'SHOPPING CART KILLER' 'Serial killer' who moves bodies in Target cart is probed as 4 slain IN COLD BLOOD Mexican actress shot dead while waiting to pick up her son, 11, from football TIKTOK THREAT Warning over challenge that urges kids to bring WEAPONS to school tomorrow CASHFLOW Five stimulus check payment programs to replace the monthly $300 child tax credit WE WANT JUSTICE Grieving dad of model's friend wants three suspects hit with MURDER charges Don't. The winner for the first three nights was "an NHS admin assistant" called Ella Rothwell, who once supported Little Mix and has 12million Spotify streams to her name. However, she was eventually beaten, on Wednesday night's show, by Nadiah Adu-Gyamfi, who absolutely no one mentioned usually performs under the name Moko and has had recording contracts with MTA and Virgin EMI. Simon Cowell's fingerprints are all over this smoke and mirrors job, of course, but he's not present in person either because he desperately wanted someone else to hog the limelight or took one look at the puny production and available "talent" and thought, "Stuff that for jet-skiing in Barbados". A smart move, because it means the rictus grins are fixed to Gary Barlow, Alesha Dixon, Craig "my man" David and The Vicar of Sodding Dibley, Dawn French, an odd choice who's given to saying suitably odd things, like: "Darby, you are a C.O.N.T.E.N.D.E.N.T.D.E.D.E.R." Order of the week for all these judges is "constructive criticism", which is one of those things that sounds brilliant at the ITV focus group but is death-in-the-evening, entertainment-wise. It's also an act of wanton cruelty towards the deluded contestants and the poor long-suffering girlfriends and parents who are bankrolling their fantasies, which leaves the viewers in desperate need of a translation service. Alesha Dixon: "The vocals were pleasant." The vocals were extremely unpleasant. Dawn French: "I bet you'd want that guy at your party." I bet you want to bring back National Service. Craig David: "I love your vibe, my man." I want to bite off my own ears and blowtorch the cochlea, just for good measure . . . my man. A verdict you may think is far too harsh, but it's nothing compared to some of the accidental truth bombs dropped by host Maya Jama who began episode two by telling Ella: "You've got a front row seat to watch all your challengers. I don't envy you." Nor do I. It's the worst seat in the house, although there is both good and bad news here for ITV. The one positive is that five minutes of Walk The Line was all I needed to relax my opinion about I'm A Celebrity. The overriding negative, though, is that I now miss the Noughties version of The X Factor more than ever, because there was a show that succeeded brilliantly in its mission to tell a nation of dingbats: "You can't sing." For a while, it was the best thing on TV. Then the invisible hand of political correctness decided it was offended by everything that was fun and in its desperation to find a new purpose, The X Factor became greedy, manipulative and cynical. All that's left of it now is this clapped-out, pre-recorded parody of the real thing. A shame. For as Marlon Brando once nearly said of The X Factor: "It could've been a contendentdeder." Ian & Co shamed by Dec IT was hardly a surprise Ant and Dec saved I'm A Celeb from the very worst that Storm Arwen, ITV's bookers and the voting public could throw at the show. To understand the real skill of their performance, though, you probably had to struggle through Friday's Have I Got News For You and The Last Leg, where two separate teams of professional comedians and writers had been handed the biggest political story of the year but still failed to land a single blow or register one solitary belly laugh. 
pixel8000Ant and Dec saved I'm A Celeb from the very worst that Storm Arwen, ITV's bookers and the voting public could throw at the show '/ ' The only thing that stood out about these "satirical news shows" in fact, was the hopeless symmetry of their material. Same route one jokes, same feeble observations and fairly similar speeches of condemnation from Ian Hislop and Adam Hills, who were never going to let the occasion pass without chasing some easy applause and getting on their moral high horses, which are both so huge they make the Trojan variety look like My Little Pony. Indeed, watch these shows back-to-back, as I did and you could be forgiven for thinking there was simply nothing funny to say about the infamous No10 Christmas Party. Until Sunday night's live I'm A Celeb final where, as Ant rubbed his hands in glee, Dec revealed: "We've already booked our first celebrity for the next series", and I fell on the floor laughing as he unveiled the T-shirt: "BORIS – 09020 442413." Naturally, I don't expect the BBC or Channel 4 will ever hold HIGNFY and The Last Leg accountable for their failure to produce anything even half as funny as this stunt, because they reinforce the networks' left-of-centre bias, on all matters. I would hope, however, that there were less of the usual groans, next year, when Ant and Dec win their 21st National Television Award in a row. SATURDAY night, I couldn't avoid noticing that odious little floater John Bercow on BBC1's The Wheel, where I immediately started wondering, "How long will it take him to . . . "ORRR-DUH." 4.38 seconds. Sigh. Random TV irritations ITV threatening to return to the Welsh castle for a third brand-tainting series of I'm A Celeb. Clueless viewers voting off box-office contestant David Ginola before this year's final. 
RexDavid Ginola was voted off I'm A Celeb by clueless viewers '/ ' Jess Phillips MP joining the ever-lengthening list of Labour untouchables on Have I Got News For You. Quiz shows suddenly being overrun by bone idle egomaniacs who call themselves "influencers". And the "lovably even-tempered" Brenda Edwards appearing genuinely thunderstruck when she learned ITV's big Monday/Tuesday charity event would involve taking off her clothes. There being absolutely no clue to this requirement in the show's title, Strictly The Real Full Monty. Unexpected morons in the bagging area TIPPING Point, Ben Shephard: "Which former Conservative Party leader is often known by the initials IDS?" Damien: "I'm going to go for the obvious, Margaret Thatcher." 
ITVBen Shephard was left miffed again on Tipping Point '/ ' The Chase, Bradley Walsh: "The Scottish road gritter 'Sir Grits Hoy' is named after which cyclist?" Jon: "McCoy." The Chase: Celebrity Special, Bradley Walsh: "Someone with an attitude of moral superiority is said to be holier-than . . . ?" Sonny Jay: "Water." Twist ...n shout TWO hours before they take their clothes off, Laila "Big Mo" Morse twists her ankle at the final rehearsal for Strictly: The Real Full Monty and Ashley Banjo is forced to deliver the bombshell news: "In reality, you're not going to be able to do all the strip." "But how's that going to be explained to the people?" As definitive proof there is a just and merciful God. Lies & delusions GREAT TV lies and delusions of the month. Walk The Line, Dawn French: "This show's really good." Strictly: The Real Full Monty, Ashley Banjo: "Christine (McGuinness), you're not wasting anybody's time." Frankie Boyle's New World Order, Miles Jupp: "Kiri (Pritchard-McLean) is sort of sexy and dangerous." She's sort of not. SYCOPHANT of the week? To Phillip and Holly: "I've said to you both, off camera, you two, with your synergy, you're so graceful together and people love you on the other side of the camera." Craig David, inset, who appeared on This Morning Friday. I was still throwing up on Monday . . . Great sporting insights PAUL MERSON: "United are going to end up fourth, fifth or fourth." Nico Rosberg: "It's impossible to predict but I think Lewis will win." 
RexPaul Merson said: ...United are going to end up fourth, fifth or fourth' '/ ' Tim Sherwood: "You're either pregnant or not. You can't be half-pregnant. And United were half-pregnant." (Compiled by Graham Wray) CLARIFICATION required from Strictly: The Real Full Monty, as one of the Nolan sisters suddenly fills Ashley Banjo's mobile phone screen and he says: "Hey Coleen, you look gorge." Cheddar or Derwent? TV Gold THE harrowingly brilliant Look Away, on Sky Documentaries. The beautiful conclusion to David Baddiel's excellent BBC2 documentary Social Media, Anger And Us. 
BBCDavid Baddiel's BBC2 documentary Social Media, Anger And Us was excellent '/ ' Tracey Ullman's series-stealing performance as Irma Kostroski on Curb Your Enthusiasm. And I'm A Celeb miracle workers Ant and Dec spontaneously bursting into song after Coronation Street's Simon Gregson had eaten pigs' eyes, goat tongue and a cow's vagina: "Steve McDonald ate a farm, E-I-E-I-O." Lookalike of the week THIS week's winner is Louise Minchin and Jon Pertwee's Worzel Gummidge. Emailed in first by Iain Boyd. 
DIGITAL/EROTEME.CO.UKLouise Minchin, left, and Jon Pertwee as Worzel Gummidge '/ ' Picture research: Amy Reading We pay for your stories! Do you have a story for The Sun news desk? Email us at exclusive@the-sun.co.uk or call 0207 782 4104. You can WhatsApp us on 07423 720 250. We pay for videos too. Click here to upload yours. Click here to get The Sun newspaper delivered for FREE for the next six weeks. Source:
